Valentine's day

Did you know valentine's day wasn't always all this pink glittery heart stuff?

It was when a man named Valentine would secretly marry people even though it was against the law, and then he was caught and sentenced to death and left a note to his beloved saying Always Thine, Your Valentine.

Take that commercialization.
True Love.

At least it may have existed. But I'm pretty sure its rare now. Theres always a stipulation or hitch in love, or even like. Always bad intentions, or lack of honesty. I never know what to do with it. I know I'm not broken anymore, or if I ever was, but its like I get to a point now and...just stop. I have no clue where to place my next footstep.
It's almost like I don't have in me what I used to have. Like I used it all up and now the pantry is empty, never to be filled again.

Nothing feels right, or if it does I just talk myself out of it. I'm so frustrated with this.
Even if I try to disconnect myself from love and just look at it from a sexual standpoint, that doesnt work either.
I'm going to be a cat lady...
but with pitbulls so no one can rob my house.
fuck em.

ugh can I be grown up yet?
There's always tomorrow <3