Hhhhermmm

Today has been one of the most emotionally exhausting days in awhile.
I've been up and down.

I feel like I'm standing on a ledge, something horrible behind me like a building blowing up, and I need to jump to a safety net, stories beneath me. I'm just holding my breath, teetering my heels back and forth. Decisions were never my strong suit. The wind is warm, with an ashy cement smell. Whipping my hair around, almost as to push me in the right direction. It's like the wind is red, like a bloody maroon red. Hot with the heat, coming at my back like a charging horse. The open air in front of me light blue, like crisp fresh water, cold, almost chilly. The nerves are like little sparks shattering across my skin, little flashes in this darkness. My eyes are open, but it's like I have blinders on. Nothing has definition, just vague outlines like memories. It's so loud, like water rushing past your head when you get pulled under in a tide, or when your plane finally takes off and pushes you into your seat. It's deafening, like there is no noise at all. Whoosh.

Clothing flapping like the wings of a crow, or pigeon. Whipping around like a violent seizure. My stomach lurches as everything finally becomes crystal clear as it flashes before my eyes. Everything that was or wasn't all matters and doesn't matter at all. That safety net is blue, blue like a pool lining. I sure hope it's not made of the same stuff. Pool linings rip so easily. I hear voices, screaming. Maybe it's me. My hair is out of my eyes. This is one fantastic swan dive. Why didn't I join a swim team? Maybe I wouldn't be in this situation if I had. Shoulda coulda woulda. Here comes the pavement, the net, those firemen with mustaches thicker than their hair. I wonder what's going to happen.