Pewter & Pink

Pewter and Pink is me.
Tough as nails from all I've been though, but still pink on the inside.
A girl, and a human.

This is post is purely notes for myself.

"I'm meant to be a wife, not a girlfriend." - AJ Celi, married to Rock

I agree whole heartedly.
Girlfriend is such a loose term.
It can end whenever one part gets a new whim.
It's so stupid.
I've decided if I EVER was to get married,
I'd want it to be an option when I was around 25.
Right now it's too early to tell who I'm going to be.
I just miss what I had.
I can't say it enough.
I miss what I had and I didn't know that til it was completely gone.
I've made some bad choices, but in the end I learned a lot.
I only hope I get a second chance in my lifetime.
God willing. Buddha willing.
Please, I try so hard.
So hard to please and be pleased.
Just let my life work out in some kind of fashion, or some sort plan involving what I want now.
I can wait, good things come in time.
A lot of those little sayings are making so much sense.
I guess they aren't cliche, they're just time-worn and right.

Good things come in time.
Don't know what you have til it's gone.

I'm just a messy soul inside an innocent, dependable looking vessel.

When I'm with someone, I'm with them for a reason.
I've only really been with someone once.
I guess I still am.
But I wasn't ready.
I probably still am not.
I just hope I can make it up to him for what I did.
I forgive what you did, and what you're doing.
I realize what Idid now.
I hope that means something.
I left you in the dust because I got anxious and felt trapped.
I should have realized what you did for me.
But I also did so much for you, so please dont forget that either.
I know exactly how you felt in those 2 months after I left you.
I'm getting what I deserve, and so are you.
I just hope you realize I never meant to hurt you.
I hope you're happy, and God willing will accept me into your life again.
I'm not desperate or angry, or anything else. I'm just sad that I let go. The one thing I regret in my life and now I'm paying for it.

I hope you enjoy your chance at life and anything else you want to do. Have fun & know I love you.
I'll be here, waiting but still living my life. You'll always be on my mind. <3